Love thy Neighbour

Neighbourhood relationships are well known to be tricky
Given choices , we might be , inclined to be more picky
Especially as some disputes
Can end up rather sticky

The boundaries of etiquette have often been exceeded
We`ve given many warnings which, you sadly, have not heeded
Now we feel a stronger stance
Is definitely needed.

By day, we entertain dark thoughts, which no doubt would appall you
And scour profane vocabulary, for choice new names to call you
By night, our dreams are laden full
Of fates we hope befall you.

We hope your cherished hopes and dreams will all result in failure
A host of greedy greenfly to attack your prize Azalea
A swarm of hungry angry fleas
Infest your genitalia..........

Vampire

Its not easy
Being nocturnal
Or regarded as infernal
Spending every day
In a box half filled with clay

My skin of ghostly white
Supplies initial fright
Then in deepest dark seclusion
Transylvanian transfusion.

Oh but how I long for a regular meal
Savoury, tasty...

Which does not congeal.

A Seventh Day Adventure

The church of the Seventh Day Shopper
Has established a popular creed
As religions go, its a whopper
For those with a fervour to feed
Strategically placed, community based
And catering to every need.

A Minister waits at the entrance
Whose mission it is to greet
The hordes who turn out with a vengeance
Their sacred rites to complete
Lost in prayer, and unaware
As their trolleys run over your feet.

Any check-out disciples doubting
Or showing the signs of strain
Are offered a pilgrims outing
To retreats, in which to re-train
And after a while, re-emerge with a smile
And freshly laundered brain.

Religions with far less appeal
Where congregations are small
Could offer a similar deal
To those who answer the call
Like, after you`ve died, if not satisfied
A refund, no quibbles at all.

You

You
Are the ingredient my recipe lacked.

An outright winner
I`m pleased to have backed

You are the cream on the top of the milk

I plain cotton
You pure silk

You are guaranteed to be time well spent

A beautiful postcard

Too nice to be sent.

Going To Pieces

Left hand fell off this morning
Followed by one ear
Its rather disconcerting
I live in constant fear
I went to see the Doctor
He told me not to fuss
Arriving home I realised
My butt`s still on the bus
Left leg in the bathtub
Right leg in the hall
At this rate, by tomorrow
There`ll be nothing left at all.
At least I still have one good hand

So I can typ.....................

Sound Judgement

I am leaving the Hi Fi for you

Because it was our first joint purchase

Because you love your music so

Because you will take comfort from your favourite CD`s

Because life may not seem quite so empty when you play it


Because it would not fit in the car.

Clean Break

A long lost earring
A forgotten scarf
A kingsize bed , with an empty half
A bathroom towel , with a lingering scent .


You could have done the washing

Before you went !