Heart of Ice

Did you think I would wait by the door
As you removed your belongings and more
At the entrance to our special place
With tears streaming down my face

Stop Press: I have not strayed far
With Lindy and Sue at the bar
No tears to top up my Smirnoff Ice
Which incidentally, tastes bloody nice.........

Fruit of the Vine

This morning
The fruit of the vine
Is no longer a friend of mine

Last night
A different story

Side by side to glory

Much later
As I slept

The toxic turncoat crept.

Alan Davies fishing

The question is, is it not
Can we eat our sausage hot?
Porkers fed on fishy meals
Maybe justified in squeals

Lets hope our factory farming fools
Never employ genetic tools
Developing bitesize aqua swine
To fatten up the fruit of brine!

Jonathan Ross

A TV presenter named Ross
Was facing a financial loss
Which was not enough
For the Huff and the puff
Who`d prefer he was nailed to a cwoss !

Little Men

Up a darkened avenue
After half past ten
We dare not go a walking
For fear of little men

Little men with attitudes
Little men with knives
Little men determined to
Deprive us of our lives

Sally Thomsett

Oh Sally, Sally
You are not from our alley

But I need to repay
In my own little way

An outstanding debt, which is long overdue.

and though it has taken a decade or two....

I saved up a bundle of smiles for you.

One Night Stand

If the morning
Should bring shame
I`ll be glad to bear the blame

But have no fear
Of a macho smear
On your name .

Though of course.......

Might report it if I`d caught it !