Clean Break

A long lost earring
A forgotten scarf
A kingsize bed , with an empty half
A bathroom towel , with a lingering scent .


You could have done the washing

Before you went !

Going to Pieces

Left hand fell off this morning
Followed by one ear
Its rather disconcerting
I live in constant fear
I went to see the Doctor
He told me not to fuss
Arriving home I realised
My butt`s still on the bus
Left leg in the bathtub
Right leg in the hall
At this rate, by tomorrow
There`ll be nothing left at all.

At least I still have one good hand so I can typ.....................

If loving you is wrong...

If loving you is wrong
Show me how to do it right
Be not patient with me
I am a fast learner


Do you seek more control
Of the frantic race ?
More laid back
Or a steadier build.

Maybe an extra thirty quid ?

Guns

When it comes to the question of guns
There is always a damn silly answer
We`ve seen it before
The trumpets of war
Find many a gullible dancer.

Faces of Death

At the Funeral
I could tell at a glance

They were secretly mourning themselves

In advance.

Come Summer

Its dark in the park without you
The sky is not so blue
Its true

Colours less bright
The picture incomplete
Is it my eyes fading ?

You are the breath of summer

Blessed Be

Blessed are the meek
For we can push past them in queues
And generally abuse
Them

Blessed are the believers
Who take it all in
While we rake it all in

Blessed are the peacemakers
Who supply the time
For a plan of attack

Nature Fights Back

Untitled

The potted plants
All died
Neglected and dried
After you were gone

I did not care
Wrapped in my cloak of sorrows
Facing empty tomorrows

Not until December
Did I remember

How very beautiful they were.

Yearning Curves

I am discerning

In my yearning

Not just anyone will do.

I desire the unattainable...

It might as well be you.

Eye Catching

I am over stretched
Trying to catch your eye

To lull you with my lullaby

If I pull the right faces
Laugh in the right places

Could you invest in me.....
Be my destiny....

I expect you get a lot of this
A cupid`s arrow fated to miss

But my tooth is long, and my time is short

You rolled your eyes

And they can`t be caught.

Mirror

There`s a badly lit corner
Where all my demons fly
In the blackness of the reflection
Of the reflection of my eye.

Consumed

What will it take to put me off?
My magic window displays
Sickening images of bomb blast dead

And I, need more mayonaise

The poverty stricken parading by
And yet I fail to question
The terrible news, as I peruse

The maker`s serving suggestion.

I Lack A Caddy

My hands on the wheel

Highway One

Elbow on the window

Foot down, and gone.

Respect for an elder

From all who pass

Toyota ? Volvo ?

Kiss my ass !

Image by Steve Garufi

@stevegarufi

Colorado

http://twitter.com/SteveGarufi

Evil Intent

My God my love
You have smitten me

But then you went camping

In Brittany

Leaving behind
This tearful clown


I hope your f**king tent falls down...

Honestly

There is a moment

Prior to sleep
Upon the edge
Of slumbers deep

When all defences

Fall away

And at that moment

Should you say.........I love you.

I might believe

Is Anyone There ?

The world has gone crazy
With violence and crime
Splashed in the newspapers
Time after time
It seems the sightless
Are leading the blind
Through streets full of zombies
Who don`t seem to mind
But people are dying, it doesn`t seem fair
We ought to be trying

IS ANYONE THERE ?

A brand new philosophy
I`m alright Jack
Ride to success
On somebody`s back
A bottomless pit
For those who can`t win
Will you stamp on their fingers
And watch them fall in ?
Its a feast for the few
They`re unwilling to share
I`m talking to you.....

IS ANYONE THERE ?

OZONE BOZONE

Nature finally fights back

Sonnet

And let your light forever bathe my face
Your smile seek out each corner of my fears
At times when I may stumble from the race
Your sun filled soul to warm and dry my tears
A wishing star for building dreams upon
Glinting at the corner of my eye
Cannot eclipse the glow within my heart
Which speaks to me your name and bids me fly
Lovelorn I am wandering in a maze
Searching for a love and guiding hand
To clear away this disappointed haze
And lead me from this broken promised land
You are the only sight required by me
For every breaking dawn now left to be.

Dlorah

Harold was born back to front
And so, it was not clear
If he was on his way somewhere
Or heading back to here

Was he getting off the bus?
Or was he getting on?
Did he come to visit us
Or had he been and gone?

He`s ever such a happy chap
Who does not seem to mind

Even though he`s front to back and back to front behind.

Neve hguoht s`eh tnorf ot kcab dna kcab ot tnorf dniheb.

Regular Exercise

You use me
Like an exercise bike
Coming And going
Whenever you like.

Your lusting is disgusting

But it keeps me from rusting

The Real Piccie

Krayfish

Going to Pieces

Left hand fell off this morning
Followed by one ear
Its rather disconcerting
I live in constant fear

I went to see the Doctor
He told me not to fuss
Arriving home I realised
My butt`s still on the bus

Left leg in the bathtub
Right leg in the hall
At this rate, by tomorrow
There`ll be nothing left at all.

At least I still have one good hand so I can typ.....................

Things to come

She said she could call
On her crystal ball
To make me aware of things yet to come.

In the light of that
Overheads and VAT
Forty five quid seemed a reasonable sum.

Sod it

I am sick and sodding tired
Of sodding shops and stores
Where sodding shop assistants
No longer grace the floors

They`re in the sodding toilet
Or down the sodding Caff
Where do these sodding people
Find their sodding rotten staff ?

Eventually they surface
From their sodding scoff

and ask me, "May I help you Sir?"

And i say "No...........just browsing....................thenk yew!

Out for a spin

So, I was sitting in a five mile tailback on the M25 , purely for my own amusement you understand.
I was reflecting on the way increased fuel duty had helped to discourage the other pleasure seekers around me from their regular jaunts to and from local beauty spots.
Just imagine how much longer that tailback could have been , had the government not increased the fuel tax. It would be unbearable.
Now , with road pricing looming, things can only get better...............?

Chauffeur driven Ministerial limousines will be able to sweep through the empty streets of the capital, passing long bus queues.
Travel times will be halved. All the frivolous road blocking workers convinced at last , to stop jamming up the roads with their borderline MOT failing rust buckets.

And all for a meagre £52 per week , and 2 hours daily lurching in overcrowded unsafe cattle cars, standing around on draughty ill equipped staffless stations, waiting for trains that may or may not roll up if there happens to be a bloody squirrel on the line.

And, tubes with agressive beggars and unfriendly mad shouty people swigging from "Special Brew" cans . Insane buskers playing combs and bog roll.
Until finally ,emerging from the depths of pickpocket paradise, in time to see ...
Tessa (Lucky for some) Jowell streaking past in a 3 litre bombproof German wagon en route to snip a ribbon on a new inner city regenerating Casino.

Cinders

You all know the story of Cinderella
And how she eventually got her fella
But sadly, that was not the truth
And here, we finally uncover the proof

Its alright up to the Glass slipper bit
But then somebody altered it
For, the Prince was a local media star
Protected by his faithful PR

Cinders we know, ran ot of luck
Changing as soon as midnight struck
(Here`s the part that never broke)
In fact, she changed into a bloke

No longer was she small and thin
With designer stubble on her chin,
Bulging biceps, hairy chest
(Modesty forbids the rest)

The Fairy Godmother heard the fuss
And left town on a late night bus
But in a letter, she later swore
Her spells had never gone THAT wrong before.

The next day, slightly after four
Our Prince came knocking at the door
In search of one with beautiful eyes
(Boy, was he in for a surprise)

The ugly sisters, as we know
Pulled the slipper to and fro
But their designs were swiftly dashed
As it fell to the hard stone floor...and smashed.

The Prince now cried, "Oh where is my beauty?"
Cinders replied with "ALLO CUTIE"
Sensing this to be the last chance
Grabbed the Prince, and began to dance.

Unaccustomed to a partner so big
The Prince, he trembled in his wig
In a dance of graceful twists and twirls
They giggled and squealed like a couple of girls.

They danced through the door
And out of the gate
THE END.

(Now thats the record straight).

Sun down

If the sun
Is not getting up
Then neither am I

No squint
No glint

Sunshine................there int !

Unfinished Melody

Across the sea
I hear you calling to me

A gentle breeze
Plays out your sweet melody

My heart still yearns
For starlight kisses and wine
My mind returns
To where I first made you mine

Dancing near
Our bodies moving as one

We shed a tear
For love that could not go on............

War

It is such a little word
Trips lightly from the tongue

Especially describing events far flung

Where systematic murder and carnage obscene

Turns life to luxury

And death....

To machine.

Only Saying Goodnight

We are only saying goodnight
Not farewell

To dream of a breaking fun filled day
With a friendly sun to light the way

We are only saying goodnight
Not goodbye

And if this night should never end

I`ll search my dreams for you.......my friend

Evil Intent

My God my love, you`ve smitten me.
But then you went camping........in Brittany !!

Leaving behind this tearful clown.

I hope your f**king tent falls down.

Revenge

I rose with the lark this morning
The very first cuckold of spring
And i took my revenge
With a typist from Penge
And an Avon Lady from Tring

Then a parking attendant from Clapham
Clamped me as tight as a vice
But the kerbside robber
Leapt out of her clobber
And actually, treated me nice

A happy hairdresser from Harlow
Insisted her talents were perms
So not feeling sure
I was out of the door
I`m used to more flexible terms

Not sure if my heart has been broken
Perhaps it is just wounded pride
These things i have done
Are they evil, or fun?
I leave it to you to decide

Of course, I`m not usually vengeful
And not one to harbour a grudge
Tomorrow they say
Is another new day
Would you like me to give you a nudge?

Believe

There is that moment
Prior to sleep

Upon the edge
Of slumbers deep

When all defences fall away.

And at that moment

Should you say "I love you"

I will believe

Ring Ring

Raw persistent familiar tone
Digitalised by mobile phone

Then beamed by satellite down to me
No matter where I happen to be

Is this the conceptual dreamed of use ?

TECHNOLOGICAL ABUSE !

Something in the chimney

There is something in the chimney
Scraping gently in the black
And it goes away to somewhere
But it keeps on coming back

I hear it`s little foot falls,
See the little soot falls
Evidence is mounting near a pile of knutty slack

What is so important
That it keeps me from my sleep ?
Industriously scraping in my chimney dark and deep.

Only saying goodnight

We are only saying goodnight

Not farewell

To dream of a breaking fun filled day

With a friendly sun to light the way


We are only saying goodnight

Not goodbye

And if this night should never end

I`ll search my dreams for you.......my friend

Sir Trevor of Tring

There was one incredibly curious thing
You`d notice if you met Sir Trevor of Tring
His chain mail vest , was actually string

And did not fit

Minstrels composed songs to sing
Because of it



Tis said, he owned a solitary coat
Made from rabbit , weasel and stoat
His tumbledown castle boasted a moat

Just one foot deep

Apparently, the builder`s quote
Was suitably cheap



His sword and shield were made of wood
And subsequently, not much good
Atop the mantlepiece they stood

On proud display

Well, Trevor hated the sight of blood
Anyway



Should a Damsell cry out in distress
Embroiled in some domestic mess
Trevor set out to impress her with his skill

Then made a note of the address
And sent a bill!

From the Knobbly Knights Collection 2009

Two home secretary

Jacqui Smith
Unhappy with
Your husband viewing porno

I`ll bet when you get home tonight...

He`ll wish he was not borno....

Illustration by Mike Harman

http://mycarman.deviantart.com/

Attack

There are no more tears

Though the hurting remains

In row upon row of organised dead.

Strange how order can be brought

To victims laid to rest

Better to order the living instead !

Willow

Outside my window
Willows weep
While night provides respite
And sleep

A land of dreams to set me free
My weeping Willow
Weeps for me

And if your heartIs hurting too

I pray a Willow weeps for you.

Robot Rocket Banjo Cat

Robot Rocket Banjo Cat
Is aerodynamic with fins
He`ll pluck your very heart strings
And melt your wheelie bins


Thunder in the alleyways
Will not linger long
Its Robot rocket Banjo Cat`s
Supersonic song....

character created by Mike Harman
illustration by Mike Harman
http://mycarman.deviantart.com/

Write right

In the absence of a rattling good read
I may strive to entertain you with a rhyme
Though I`m unaware of what it is you need
To ensure you have a scintillating time

Now the pen is skipping lively on the page
A sincere attempt at filling up the void
Living on the brink of writer`s rage
Deciding on the means to be employed

Unfortunately, it cannot be resolved
I`m off to make a cup of tea instead
And hope the squabbling players so involved
Desist from playing football in my head.

All things must pass

You smile and tell me
All this will pass

Might help if you put your foot on the gas.

Money

Money is worth the paper its printed on
And little more than that

The squanderbugs now call upon
The mugs to pass the hat

Clean Break

A long lost earring
A forgotten scarf
A kingsize bed with an empty half

A bathroom towel
With a lingering scent


You could have done the washing before you went !

The Sleeping Beauty revealed

The Prince had travelled for many a league
And now, was a martyr to saddle fatigue
No need for specifics, or to mention direct
Which bodily regions that might affect

He scaled the walls of cold grey stone
Hacked through the orchards, overgrown
And high up in the Castle Keep
He found the Princess fast asleep

The Princess (from the records kept)
Would grow more lovely as she slept
By now she should be in her prime
Having slept for a very long time

The nervous Prince, he quaked and shook
Drew back the drapes to take a look
But for what he beheld, he was unprepared
He looked and shook and quaked and stared

A cry of anguish " Mercy for me !"
The Princess looked like a chimpanzee

"That nose, that mouth, those big hairy ears,


She`ll need another hundred years"

Bankers

There are those who purchase at will
From a seemingly bottomless till

Which we obligingly fill........
For Bankers

Claiming they nurture and guide
Through benevolence high and wide

With funds that we provide.......
For Bankers

As their ship of good fortune sinks
They cling to their index links

Should vaults be converted to Clinks.......

For Bankers ?

Cinderella...at last. The Truth

You all know the story of Cinderella
And how she eventually got her fella
But sadly, that was not the truth
And here, we finally uncover the proof

Its alright up to the Glass slipper bit
But then somebody altered it
For, the Prince was a local media star
Protected by his faithful PR

Cinders we know, ran ot of luck
Changing as soon as midnight struck
(Here`s the part that never broke)
In fact, she changed into a bloke

No longer was she small and thin
With designer stubble on her chin,
Bulging biceps, hairy chest
(Modesty forbids the rest)

The Fairy Godmother heard the fuss
And left town on a late night bus
But in a letter, she later swore
Her spells had never gone THAT wrong before.

The next day, slightly after four
Our Prince came knocking at the door
In search of one with beautiful eyes
(Boy, was he in for a surprise)

The ugly sisters, as we know
Pulled the slipper to and fro
But their designs were swiftly dashed
As it fell to the hard stone floor...and smashed.

The Prince now cried, "Oh where is my beauty?"
Cinders replied with "ALLO CUTIE"
Sensing this to be the last chance
Grabbed the Prince, and began to dance.

Unaccustomed to a partner so big
The Prince, he trembled in his wig
In a dance of graceful twists and twirls
They giggled and squealed like a couple of girls.

They danced through the door
And out of the gate

THE END.

(Now thats the record straight).

The Light House Keeper`s Daughter

I see her every Tuesday
Thats when she comes ashore
And every time I see her boys
It makes me want her more

She comes to buy provisions
Upon the harbourside
And if she`d only let me...
I`d keep her well supplied

She wears a black Sowester
And yellow oilskin suit
Big thick woolies under there
And takes size ten in boot

She aint a girl who`s dainty
You couldn`t call her small
But she could row my heart away
Any time at all

One day I will wed her
And when i plight my troth
We`ll find a lovely lighthouse
To acommodate us both

She will man the lighthouse
While i will darn her socks
Far out at sea, where none but she
Shall founder on my rocks....

Never Elect .....

Never elect an elephant
To represent your views

Though they like to chew things over
and rarely forget.

Require no second home allowances..
and are already grey suited.

Are protective of their young and vulnerable

Have a strong sense of community

Very large brains


On second thought............

Each to their own

Susie is seeing Mary
When Robert goes out on the beer

Derek says liking musicals
Does not make him queer

Michael told Angela
Todd was just a fling

God almighty , isn`t love a many gendered thing ?

Chastity

When it came to your chastity
I was sure it was me
Who held the key

Foiled by your complex combinations.

Mugged Off

Its not that you kissed him
And took him to bed

When you could have been cuddling me instead

Its not his expression
Superior and smug

But you made him a coffee, and that is MY MUG !

Go Ape

All day long you gawp and gape

"Mummy mummy look at the Ape"

Good job there`s a moat

And I can`t float.

But..

If I could find a way across...


I`d show you bald baboons who`s boss.

Mum

I never miss a Mother`s Day now.

I sometimes used to forget...and phone.




The flowers that grow in my garden
Help to lighten my view
And though they greatly please my eye

I`d pick them all for you



I`d tear the house down brick by brick

For a hug.



Irreplaceable

Snapshot

This micro second view
Is all I own of you

Settling for the instant the shutter closed

A frame to hold you tight

As soon i hope I might

Though you are under exposed

In my opinion

Alfred the short-sighted Pirate !

Alfred the Pirate was addressing his crew

" I know you`re fed up , with nothing to do,

But all that will change, as of today,

forA rich Spanish Galleon is heading our way!

So hoist the Black Flag, and prepare for the fight,

There`ll be dancing, drinking and feasting tonight"

-----------------

"Excuse me!" whined Jarvis. (One of the crew)

"Do you mind repeating what we`re supposed to do.

I`m sure you made yourself totally clear

But that there`s the ocean, the crew`s over here!"

------------------

Just at that moment, out of the blue

The lone Spanish Galleon sailed into view

Laden with gold, silk and molasses

And perhaps with luck

A few pairs of glasses......

-----------------

Rigged for battle, into the fray

With Alfred looking the opposite way

He ran to the foredeck, but in his blind rush

Instead of his cutlass, he snatched up a brush.

Crying " C`mon me hearties, rally to me!"

He leapt from the rigging, straight into the sea.

-----------------

Course, Pirates could swim, and his crew would soon spot him

Just yards from the ship,

When a passing shark got him!

----------------

The shock and the trauma of Alfred`s demise

Was a direct result of neglected eyes.

So if you`re short - sighted, to any degree

PLEASE!

See your Optician

Before going
to Sea!

Dlorah

Harold was born back to front
And so, it was not clear
If he was on his way somewhere
Or heading back to here

Was he getting off the bus?
Or was he getting on?
Did he come to visit us
Or had he been and gone?

He`s ever such a happy chap
Who does not seem to mind
Even though he`s front to back and back to front behind.

Neve hguoht s`eh tnorf ot kcab dna kcab ot tnorf dniheb.

Billy Kelly

Billy kelly`s belly
Troubled him a lot
For, just above his navel
Was a massive yellow spot

When sunbathing or swimming
He suffered vile abuse
Of course, he saw his Doctor
But it was not any use

Then one day, his head turned red
His legs and feet turned green
He hung around on corners
Determined to be seen
Perhaps by now, you`ve guessed the cause
Of symptoms such as these

Poor Billy is a victim of.....Traffic light disease.

Going to Pieces

Left hand fell off this morning
Followed by one ear
Its rather disconcerting
I live in constant fear
I went to see the Doctor
He told me not to fuss
Arriving home I realised
My butt`s still on the bus
Left leg in the bathtub
Right leg in the hall
At this rate, by tomorrow
There`ll be nothing left at all.

At least I still have one good hand so I can typ.....................

Red Nose

Every child
Is a flowering seed
That has a right
And has a need
To grow in peace
Without fear

Every day
Of every year.


It may seem a world apart
From the happiness you see
On the faces of your loved ones
As they play contentedly

There`s a child feeling pain
As they face those early years

Open up your heart, and dry their tears.

Evil Intent

My God my love you have smitten me

But then, you went camping

In Brittany.

Leaving behind this tearful clown...

I hope your f..king tent falls down...

Twitterature

I have wittered
I have twittered
Till my head is in my hands
And have come to the conclusion
There is madness
In the strands
Of these tapped out conversations
From each area and zone
With responses emanating
From respondents home alone.
I am marred by the marketing
And swamped in freebie things
I am touched by the tragedy
This birdsong daily brings

Will this social interraction
Be a bonus or a curse?

I am tweeting, I am tweeting
In my little Twitterverse !

Jane (Ferret Princess)

Up for the lark and down creaky stairs
Tracing her steps through the kingdom she shares

With all kinds of mammals, children and such
She glides through her gardens, bestowing her touch

Caked muddy prints from a well worn welly

She favours the ferrets...........and a bloke off the telly.

Davina McCall

I so love Davina McCall

I wrote her a rhyme for FcCall

Amanda Mealing

Amanda Mealing
I have the feeling

My heart rate will not be slowing

And you certainly will not require those paddles

In order to get me going

Cat Deeley

Cat Deeley
You are giggly and squealy
And extremely Jolly

You have loads of lolly

AndI would be happy
To help you spend it

Or you could send it……… to me
Via the Paypal facilitee

Contact me in a day or two

When I will have a logon for you!

Kate Humble

Paired oddly with Oddie
You are , not too shoddy

A natural delight you are

And please take note
My delightful Miss Humble

I resist the temptation
To rhyme you with tumble....

(or fumble for that matter)

Sally Thomsett

Oh Sally, Sally
You are not from our alley
But I need to repay
In my own little way
An outstanding debt, which is long overdue.

and though it has taken a decade or two....

I saved up a bundle of smiles for you.

Are you lonesome Tonight ?

Its no walk in the park
To lie in the dark
Where the shades of lonely nights creep.

When you try to be strong
But a part of you longs
To be wrapped in the solace of sleep

You know you can rise
With the sun in your eyes
In a dawn that could bring a new start

Step into the light
Face up to the fight
But
Remember to armour your heart !

Ali Bongo RIP

The innocent fun
The jokes at no one`s expense.
The magic is done
The world makes less sense.

Paradise

If I could fly to paradise
A sun drenched coral beach
(Unfortunately prices tend to keep it from my reach)

But if one day
I pay to stay
On sunshine isles afar

The last thing I`ll be wanting is a bloody Bounty Bar

Spot the Frenchman

Licking their lips at Sandown
Combing your garden for snails
Splashing in bogs , desperate for frogs
Suspicious, at Pony Club sales....

We the undefined

We the undefined
Whose tethers are taut

Being of unsound mind
Agree to be bought

And to turn a blind eye
To all your mistakes

To let you get on with
Whatever it takes

We agree to be led
To where you think best

When to withdraw
When to invest

How much to drink
When we can fly

When to sell up
When we should buy

But

When we get sick
Of affairs of state

We fully expect you
Capitulate

Willow

Outside my window
Willows weep
While night provides respite
And sleep

A land of dreams to set me free
My weeping Willow
Weeps for me

And if your heart
Is hurting too
I pray a Willow weeps for you.

Amanda Mealing

Amanda Mealing
I have the feeling
My heart rate will not be slowing

And you certainly will not require those paddles

In order to get me going

Raining (in my heart)

The stars will not be out tonight
The moon will not seem quite as bright
You`ll have to make do with the council light
Its pissing down with rain

No lovers taking romantic walks
Nor pavement cafe`s popping corks
Much more likely, are lightning forks
Its pissing down with rain

The Nightingales will all refrain
From hanging about in Lover`s Lane.
The car will need to be washed again
Its pissing down with rain.

Arguing

An argument may sometimes be preferred
To the violence of a stifling silent air
Or replies consisting chiefly of one word
Designed to drive the daggers of despair.

Bitter and Twisted

I am pleased
There are so many happy people in the world
Though I`m forced to sail these waters
With my Battle Flags unfurled

I`m delighted
For the sweethearts who achieve domestic bliss
Though I`m saddled with a visage
That a Camel would not kiss

I`m ecstatic
And I`m hopeful that this land of greener grass
Has a purpose and a future
For my sorry ugly ass!

Heart of Ice

Did you think I would wait by the door
As you removed your belongings and more
At the entrance to our special place
With tears streaming down my face

Stop Press: I have not strayed far
With Lindy and Sue at the bar
No tears to top up my Smirnoff Ice
Which incidentally, tastes bloody nice.........

Fruit of the Vine

This morning
The fruit of the vine
Is no longer a friend of mine

Last night
A different story

Side by side to glory

Much later
As I slept

The toxic turncoat crept.

Alan Davies fishing

The question is, is it not
Can we eat our sausage hot?
Porkers fed on fishy meals
Maybe justified in squeals

Lets hope our factory farming fools
Never employ genetic tools
Developing bitesize aqua swine
To fatten up the fruit of brine!

Jonathan Ross

A TV presenter named Ross
Was facing a financial loss
Which was not enough
For the Huff and the puff
Who`d prefer he was nailed to a cwoss !

Little Men

Up a darkened avenue
After half past ten
We dare not go a walking
For fear of little men

Little men with attitudes
Little men with knives
Little men determined to
Deprive us of our lives

Sally Thomsett

Oh Sally, Sally
You are not from our alley

But I need to repay
In my own little way

An outstanding debt, which is long overdue.

and though it has taken a decade or two....

I saved up a bundle of smiles for you.

One Night Stand

If the morning
Should bring shame
I`ll be glad to bear the blame

But have no fear
Of a macho smear
On your name .

Though of course.......

Might report it if I`d caught it !

Resurrection

With the first chill of Autumn my darling
The rose petals fell from my heart
I migrated south with the starling
Cold winter has kept us apart

Now Spring has re-kindled my longing
My daffodils sprout into view
All it took was the breeze, caressing my knees
And a little blue tablet.....or two !

Evil Intent

Oh my love
You have smitten me,

But then you went camping
In Brittany

Leaving behind this tearful clown.

I hope your f...king tent falls down.

Table for two

A table for two
The candlelight flickers

Waiting for you

And wearing..........

The shirt you bought me

Overtime

Day in
Day out
Money`s what its all about
Overtime
Do a stint
Make a packet
Make a mint
Hourly rate
Payslip
Fit your kitchen
On the drip

Good god got to get a grip

Doncha!!

Ferret Princess

Up for the lark and down creaky stairs
Tracing her steps through the kingdom she shares
With all kinds of mammals, children and such
She glides through her gardens, bestowing her touch

Caked muddy prints from a well worn welly
She favours the ferrets...........and a bloke off the telly.

Out of Style

She had a passion
For fashion
Her best friend
Was a trend

A phase of glory
Our beautiful story
Quietly came to an end

She was last seen
Clutching a magazine

Following a fad
How sad

How sad

No Show

I went to her flat
For coffee and that

The latter being the crux of the matter.

We sat and we talked
And later I walked
Home about three

As the taxi
Like me

Failed to show

My Best Friend

My best friend (at the time)
Could be rather cold.
But had a hot temper
Spitting fire.

No conscience
Nor scruples
And if required
Would have killed me.

Equally at home
In victory or defeat

How long before we are reunited?,

Obsolete.

Honestly

There is a moment

Prior to sleep

Upon the edge

Of slumbers deep
When all defences

Fade away

And at that moment
Should you say.........I love you.


I might believe

Billy Kelly

Billy kelly`s belly
Troubled him a lot
For, just above his navel
Was a massive yellow spot

When sunbathing or swimming
He suffered vile abuse
Of course, he saw his Doctor
But it was not any use

Then one day, his head turned red
His legs and feet turned green
He hung around on corners
Determined to be seen

Perhaps by now, you`ve guessed the cause
Of symptoms such as these

Poor Billy is a victim of.....

Traffic light disease.

Butterfly

Butterfly
Wait a while
Spread your wings

Make me smile

Dance the breezes

Bringing Spring

Butterfly

Do your thing !

False Start

And so, we`ve agreed
Its better to part.

Is she praying like me?

The car will not start.

Continental Shelf

This planet is revolving at one thousand miles per hour
And everything is subject to it`s gravitational power
Landmass, far from static, actually can shift
Geologists have termed this "Continental Drift"

We career around the universe, in a highly unstable state.

And that is why

I could not put your f**king shelf up straight.

Willow

Outside my window
Willows weep
While night provides respite
And sleep

A land of dreams
To set me free
My Weeping Willow
Weeps for me

And if your heart
Is hurting too
I pray a Willow weeps for you.

Going to Pieces

Left hand fell off this morning
Followed by one ear
Its rather disconcerting
I live in constant fear

I went to see the Doctor
He told me not to fuss
Arriving home I realised
My butt`s still on the bus

Left leg in the bathtub
Right leg in the hall
At this rate, by tomorrow
There`ll be nothing left at all.
At least I still have one good hand so I can typ.....................

Sonnet

And let your light forever bathe my face
Your smile to fill each corner of my fears
At times when I may stumble from the race
Your sun filled soul to warm and dry my tears
A wishing star for building dreams upon
Glinting at the corner of my eye
Cannot eclipse the glow within my heart
Which speaks to me your name and bids me fly
Lovelorn I am wandering in a maze
Till somewhere i may grasp a guiding hand
To chase away this disappointed haze
And take me from this broken promised land
You are the only sight required by me
For every breaking dawn now left to be.

Guns

I understand a farmer`s need
To keep a gun on hand
In order to keep vermin
From ravaging his land

But what about these loonies
With an Arsenal in the attic?
You don`t go shooting rabbits
With a semi automatic.

A customised Kalashnikov
Is anti personnel
Designed to point at other folks
And blow them all to hell

Of course we know they`re scrutinised
And must be of good standing
To keep a loaded shotgun
In a cupboard on the landing.

Pest control, security
And even shoot to eat
But draw a line for nutters who could kill a city street.

She Sleeps

She does not walk
But cuts a swathe
A fountain of beauty, for my eyes to bathe

She does not talk
But softly sings
Each syllable sweetly rings


She does not cry
But weeps

She did not die

She sleeps.

Is Anyone There ?

The world has gone crazy
With violence and crime
Splashed in the newspapers
Time after time
It seems the sightless
Are leading the blind
Through streets full of zombies
Who don`t seem to mind
But people are dying, it doesn`t seem fair
We ought to be trying

IS ANYONE THERE ?

A brand new philosophy
I`m alright Jack
Ride to success
On somebody`s back
A bottomless pit
For those who can`t win
Will you stamp on their fingers
And watch them fall in ?
Its a feast for the few
They`re unwilling to share
I`m talking to you.....

IS ANYONE THERE ?

Saving Grace

You and your laptop
The whole day through.

I wouldn`t mind

Random access to you.

Right click and save
In my personal file

Might I refresh you

Once in a while ?.........x

Cost

There`s plenty thats wrong
With this country today
Where everything`s based on
Ability to pay.

Little importance attached to need
Economies built on self interest and greed.

But, what of the future
Can you foresee
A time when nothing is given for free?

Givers of blood may have to consider
Selling their wares
To the highest bidder.

Catalogues filled with livers and hearts
And, various other human parts

Donor cards may give this advice

Next of kin

Next to the price......

Hex Factor

Had the itch
Witch was hot
A meeting which enriched the pot
The night was black
Witch was white
During which I loved the fright
When the sunlight
Broke the spell
Witch had vanished.....

Which was hell.


Practise Safe Hex.......always use a Cauldron!

Wings

Silver Wings and clouds and things
Beauty takes my eye.

You so bright

My heart so light

I cannot help but fly.

Love thy Neighbour

Neighbourhood relationships are well known to be tricky
Given choices , we might be , inclined to be more picky
Especially as some disputes
Can end up rather sticky

The boundaries of etiquette have often been exceeded
We`ve given many warnings which, you sadly, have not heeded
Now we feel a stronger stance
Is definitely needed.

By day, we entertain dark thoughts, which no doubt would appall you
And scour profane vocabulary, for choice new names to call you
By night, our dreams are laden full
Of fates we hope befall you.

We hope your cherished hopes and dreams will all result in failure
A host of greedy greenfly to attack your prize Azalea
A swarm of hungry angry fleas
Infest your genitalia..........

Vampire

Its not easy
Being nocturnal
Or regarded as infernal
Spending every day
In a box half filled with clay

My skin of ghostly white
Supplies initial fright
Then in deepest dark seclusion
Transylvanian transfusion.

Oh but how I long for a regular meal
Savoury, tasty...

Which does not congeal.

A Seventh Day Adventure

The church of the Seventh Day Shopper
Has established a popular creed
As religions go, its a whopper
For those with a fervour to feed
Strategically placed, community based
And catering to every need.

A Minister waits at the entrance
Whose mission it is to greet
The hordes who turn out with a vengeance
Their sacred rites to complete
Lost in prayer, and unaware
As their trolleys run over your feet.

Any check-out disciples doubting
Or showing the signs of strain
Are offered a pilgrims outing
To retreats, in which to re-train
And after a while, re-emerge with a smile
And freshly laundered brain.

Religions with far less appeal
Where congregations are small
Could offer a similar deal
To those who answer the call
Like, after you`ve died, if not satisfied
A refund, no quibbles at all.

You

You
Are the ingredient my recipe lacked.

An outright winner
I`m pleased to have backed

You are the cream on the top of the milk

I plain cotton
You pure silk

You are guaranteed to be time well spent

A beautiful postcard

Too nice to be sent.

Going To Pieces

Left hand fell off this morning
Followed by one ear
Its rather disconcerting
I live in constant fear
I went to see the Doctor
He told me not to fuss
Arriving home I realised
My butt`s still on the bus
Left leg in the bathtub
Right leg in the hall
At this rate, by tomorrow
There`ll be nothing left at all.
At least I still have one good hand

So I can typ.....................

Sound Judgement

I am leaving the Hi Fi for you

Because it was our first joint purchase

Because you love your music so

Because you will take comfort from your favourite CD`s

Because life may not seem quite so empty when you play it


Because it would not fit in the car.

Clean Break

A long lost earring
A forgotten scarf
A kingsize bed , with an empty half
A bathroom towel , with a lingering scent .


You could have done the washing

Before you went !

Tense

Past , Present and Future Tense
All designed for making sense
Of things long passed
Or what will be
And only intermittently
Referring to the Here and Now

Which did not last long anyhow!

Sad

Its a sad irrefutable fact
There are actors who simply can`t act
And singers who seem to do nothing but scream
Yet keep auditoria packed
There are dancers who can`t do a tap
Intensely hopelessly crap
But they ponce round a stage and receive a huge wage
Instead of a bloody good slap.
There are poets who can`t form a rhyme
Insisting their lacklustre jottings
Are worthy of note, and produced by some sort of superior intellect but thats bollocks!

Skin Deep

Oh how I love your silken skin,
Adore the way it holds you in,
Its amazing how it fits just right.

Do you think you could wear it to bed tonight?

Your Love

Your love
Your love
It fits me like a glove.
And Conveniently for me

Leaves my other hand quite free!

Evil Intent

My God my love, you`ve smitten me.
But then you went camping........in Brittany !!
Leaving behind this tearful clown.

I hope your f**king tent falls down.

Going to Pieces

Left hand fell off this morning
Followed by one ear
Its rather disconcerting
I live in constant fear
I went to see the Doctor
He told me not to fuss
Arriving home I realised
My butt`s still on the bus
Left leg in the bathtub
Right leg in the hall
At this rate, by tomorrow
There`ll be nothing left at all.

At least I still have one good hand so I can typ.....................

Regular Exercise

You use me
Like an exercise bike
Coming And going
Whenever you like.
Your lusting is disgusting

But it keeps me from rusting